I remember when my son was young, we would play, we would talk, we would dream. I would throw the football with him and talk about him being a pro football player. Time passed, he grew and matured and actually has the frame that could land him in the NFL. However, it has not been a passion for him, and he has a significant issue with his shoulder that is already going to lead to surgery. I love my son and believe in him wholeheartedly, yet last year when we talked about if he should play football in high school, I had a dilemma. Do I keep saying soft truths, that he can do anything, or be a little more honest about some harder truths and realities of his situation?
I sat him down and told him as honestly and lovingly as possible the reality of his situation. First, he has not been playing football for a few years so he will have some significant catching up to do. Secondly, with how his shoulder is, he would probably have a significant injury that would end his season within a few games, which would possibly lead to chronic shoulder issues. He also had a part time job that he would have to quit to focus on football if he wanted to play at all. So yes, it might be fun for a bit and get you some popularity, but I did not feel it would be worth it to him in the long run. Thankfully he saw the wisdom and agreed.
Working at the Grants Pass Gospel Rescue Mission has put me in similar situations often, where I must decide between soft or hard truths. Do I tell a 55-year-old, two-time felon, with only a GED that he is not going to get a job as a manager.. where a bachelor’s degree is recommended along with 2 years management experience.. or let him live in the delusion? I sometimes have to help men realize that if it took them 15 years of self-destructive choices to get them to where they are living at the Mission, that it will take more than two weeks of good behavior to gain the lost things back.
I believe that Jesus showed us by example that hard truths can be very powerful, and life changing when done in love. He did it over and over in His ministry, to a wide variety of people, from rich to poor. Hard truths, explained in love, and with a more realistic alternative is the balancing act I face almost daily at the Mission. It is probably the most challenging aspect I deal with.
Ephesians 4 talks about growing and maturing in Christ, saying don’t be infants falling for people’s schemes. In verse 15 Paul says “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
We need mature men and women, and that means we have to speak the truth in love.
Who in your life are you feeding soft truths? Is it helping them?
How can you lovingly show truth to those you influence?
Said in love,
Bobby Galli, Men’s Coordinator